The Power Of Sitting

This morning, Tim and Ducky and I went on our walk, as usual.  It was a slightly drippy morning—a few squalls moving through and the leftovers from yesterday’s steady rain dripping from the trees.  We had a great hour and ten minute or so walk and were heading back to the car.

Tim reached into his pocket for Ducky’s leash.

It was gone.

The leash we carry in the forest is a simple nylon lead that Ducky’s grandpa (my stepdad) gave her for Christmas.  It’s a John Deere leash.  My dad got it because he has a John Deere riding lawn mower that he treats like a treasured sports car and a John Deere hat that he loves to wear (he’s 80 years old—it’s his idea of hip attire).

The leash was perfect for walks because it was small and tucked into a pocket and was just enough to control her at the start and end of our walks, at the trailhead near the street.

When we realized it was missing, Tim said he and Ducky would retrace our path and try to find it.  One pass through the whole forest takes about half an hour at the pace we usually walk.  Tim can go faster (since my ankle injury, I don’t move the way I used to), so I planted myself on a bench in the forest clearing and waited.

The bench, by the way, is lovely.  It’s a wooden bench with a verdigris cast iron rose-patterned back.  It bears a dedication plaque that reads, “Hilda Marion Glover, 1924-2007, Sit and Hear the Silence.”  The greatest gift we can expect from life, I think, is to be loved as much as someone obviously loved Hilda Glover.

I was having a little trouble finding a feel good place before I sat on the bench … for reasons not worth going into (they come under the heading of NI).  But as I sat there, an umbrella shielding me from the tree’s drips, my ears tuned into the forest’s pattering music, I felt myself finding alignment with the greater part of me—my nonphysical self.

I started playing out virtual scenarios in my head.  I ran them like little movies:  my agent calls on Tuesday to tell me she finally read my book, loves it, and plans to start submitting it to editors this week; a different agent calls and tells me she loves Puppies Interrupted and manages to sell it quickly, to the same editor who worked on Marley and Me, for a six-figure advance; Tim wins a lottery Tuesday evening, and we go see an attorney the next day to find out how best to handle the money; we move to Oregon and fix up an ocean-view house; we take a trip down the coast in September to celebrate the day Tim proposed, and he plays the Pebble Beach golf course ….

The longer I sat there visualizing these wonderful scenes, the better I felt.

Once in awhile, I’d find myself feeling not as good.  I’d check what I was thinking and realize my mind had wandered back into “what is” instead of “what I want.”  I’d poke my mind, and move it on to something better.

I sat there for 25 minutes.  Suddenly, Ducky burst from the trees and tore down the path toward me.  We had a tail-wagging reunion.  Tim said he didn’t find the leash.

We walked the circuit together again (Ducky got a 2 hour and 15 minute walk this morning) and still didn’t find the leash.  Someone must have picked it up.  Sigh.  I hope they enjoy it.

Tim said maybe it was a sign.  When we move to Oregon, we plan to get Ducky an Oregon Ducks (University of Oregon) leash, so maybe we lost this one to make way for the other one.  It’s a nice theory.

I miss the leash, but I enjoyed my sit.  Because I had nothing else to do while I waited for Tim, I really had a chance to focus my thought.

I wonder whether just sitting and finding scenarios that feel good is more productive than DOING things that don’t feel good.

I’ve heard The Secret gurus say that you can’t sit around waiting for something good to happen.  One of the speakers/writers quoted in that book (I forget which one) says that if you sit around waiting for money to come, you’ll find yourself sitting on the curb, homeless.

Abraham-Hicks might take issue with that.  They say that action is great, when it’s inspired, but action isn’t necessarily required to get what we want.  It’s not what we do. It’s how we’re aligned.

I was aligned in the forest today.  I could feel it.

I want to feel like that more often.

I’d like to have the courage to do that instead of doing the logical things to make money.

I’m moving closer to that courage (thanks in large part to a great new friend who sends me wonderful, encouraging e-mails—in fact, I need to add that to my “I love …” list:

Paz’s e-mails

Maybe my new motto needs to be “Sit and Hear the feel good thoughts.”

Getting Easy

I’ve been over-thinking, as usual.

Yesterday, a wise woman posted a comment on my last post, Pivoting Until I’m Dizzy.  She said, “…since this is an experiment why don’t you continue to do what Abraham-Hicks says, instead of listening to logic for now?  Your 30 days are almost up.  So what would happen if you went with the flow of what AH says for the meantime without the interference of “logic”?  That’s the whole purpose of the experiment.  Right?”

Right!

BUT … I kind of screwed up the experiment.  If I’d actually been feeling good every day, or at least most of the time, since I started this experiment on January 17, waiting to see what happens makes sense.  Unfortunately, once I started all this freelancing nonsense, I stopped feeling good.  So I don’t have consistent stretch of feel-good time behind me, like I wanted to have to see if this would work.

Yesterday evening, I was stuck in Ponderville, going around and around on the not-so-merry-go-round in town square.  I want to have Tim win the lottery (have I said that he wins between $5 and $8 every drawing now?) and just write my own projects OR in the alternative, have my agent finally get around to reading my latest novel and decide to represent it AND/OR have a new agent take on my dog memoir.  That’s what I want, and I want to focus on that.

BUT I don’t have the faith to sit around drawing pictures and feeling good while EXPECTING that he’ll win or that I’ll sell a book in the next couple months.  He’s been saying he’ll win for over two years.  I can’t get myself to KNOW that he’ll do it in the next 2 or 3 months, and if he doesn’t, we’re screwed.  Agents are slower than slugs, so I can’t count on them.

That’s why I looked into freelancing.

BUT … I hate the idea of freelancing.

So I’m unhappy if I freelance and I’m unhappy if I do nothing, and I can’t seem to come up with other options.

Tim asked me last night, “What’s your path of least resistance?”  This is the way Abraham-Hicks teaches you to choose your course of action.  You take the course of action that brings up the least amount of resistance, meaning, the least amount of negative feelings.

I told Tim it was a tie—both choices brought up a lot of negative feelings.

Because I messed up my experiment, I don’t feel comfortable doing nothing for another 30 days.  Because I want to do nothing, I don’t feel comfortable freelancing.

Back and forth … which path is right?

Then I remembered that Abraham-Hicks says that it doesn’t really matter which path you choose as long as once you choose, you get easy with it.  In other words, it doesn’t matter what you’re doing.  What matters is how you feel about it.

So, could I get easy with freelancing?  Could I see it as okay?

I started looking for positive aspects of freelancing:  It would bring in a little money so I wouldn’t feel like we were on the thin edge of disaster.  I could stop at any time.  At least I’d be at home with my dog.

And suddenly, I felt a little relief, that ahhh feeling that says, “This is a path of least resistance.”

I realized that I could go ahead and pursue these jobs with an attitude of, “if I get them, fine; if I don’t, fine.”  And if I do get a job, I can do it with an attitude of “this is a growth experience,” and “when Tim wins, I’ll quit and refund client money.”

So I went ahead and contacted a potential client and told him I could do his job.  And I fixed dinner, enjoyed a TV show, posted to The Joyful Springer (always FUN!), played cribbage, read, and had a good night’s sleep.

This morning, I got an e-mail from the potential client.  He’s considering my offer and will get back to me Monday.  I immediately felt an “ahhh.”  I liked the space he was giving it.  I then felt compelled to bid on two more projects.  I wrote proposals, sent them.  And now I’m going back to reading.

I feel okay.  I feel good.

I’m getting easy about my path.  I still want Tim to win the lottery but I can be easy about doing some freelance work too.

I’m also throwing around ideas for a new book project.  Who knows?  Maybe I’ll come up with a million dollar idea?  I could get real easy about that.

Pivoting Until I’m Dizzy

Sometimes it’s easy.  I find my mind wandering onto a subject that doesn’t make me feel good.  I grab the thought by the tail (occasionally I can almost hear it screech with indignity), and I send it on its way.  I call another thought onto the stage, and I’m good to go.

When it comes to doing things, though, it’s more challenging.  I’m still hung up on how to feel good when I’m doing something I really don’t want to do.

It’s this freelancing stuff again.  I’m considering taking a job; it doesn’t pay nearly as well as I want it to, and I think it’s going to be a lot of work (honestly, I’d rather take about 100 naps).

I can feel the “not good feelings” when I contemplate the job (or any freelancing job—face it; I want to write my own stuff, not someone else’s).  So I stop what I’m doing and go do something else.

Yesterday’s Abraham-Hicks quote was:

“Anytime you feel negative emotion, stop and say: Something is important here; otherwise, I would not be feeling this negative emotion. What is it that I want? And then simply turn your attention to what you do want. . . . In the moment you turn your attention to what you want, the negative attraction will stop; and in the moment the negative attraction stops, the positive attraction will begin. And—in that moment—your feeling will change from not feeling good to feeling good. That is the Process of Pivoting.”

So this is me lately:

Look for freelance job, feel lousy, pivot

Bid on freelance job, feel lousy, pivot

Contemplate freelance job, feel lousy, pivot

Consider not taking freelance jobs and just waiting for Tim to win the lottery, feel lousy, pivot

Look for a freelance job, feel lousy, pivot

…..etc., etc., etc.

How do I keep on what I want when I feel like I need to do what I don’t want to get what I do want (money)?

Then again, how does doing something I don’t want (that doesn’t feel good) put me in vibrational alignment with what I do what?

Are you bored yet?

I sure am.

So moving on, pivoting again…

I’ve started a new blog, one that DOES make me happy.  No money in it, of course, but it makes me SMILE.  It’s called The Joyful Springer, and it celebrates two of my top priorities—feeling good and my dog(s).

The best time I had yesterday was when I was working on my Joyful Springer blog.  So does that mean I should do more of that and less looking for freelance jobs?  Abraham-Hicks would say yes.  Logic says no.

Do I stick with my experiment and ignore logic?

How committed am I?

Still pondering that.

In the meantime, I’m at least happy that I’m ultra-aware of when I feel less than good.  So I keep pivoting, and pivoting, and pivoting and …..

What If It’s Easier Than We Think?

Few people have tried harder than I have.  I’ve been charging after writing and financial success for two decades.  I’ve written millions of words.  I’ve amassed over 2000 rejection letters.  I’ve sold short stories, poetry, greeting card copy, essays, columns, books, and e-books.  I’ve written web articles, newsletters.  I’ve build dozens of websites and free reports and e-zines.  I’ve taken thousands and thousands of dollars worth of training and courses, not to mention the thousands more I spent getting my B.A. and law degree ….

My point is that I haven’t been sitting around on my currently rather ample ass all my life.  When I have a problem, I don’t whine about it—I DO something to try and solve it.  When I want something, I don’t just daydream about it.  I go after it.

Ever since I started selling my writing, I’ve met a lot of people who say they want to be writers.  It’s amazing the number of people who want to write.

Humans love to ask each other, “So what do you do?” [translation:  how do you make money?]  Back when I was a lawyer, when I answered that question with, “I’m a lawyer,” no one ever said to me, “I’ve always wanted to be a lawyer.”  In fact, what I usually got in response to that answer was a lawyer joke … how many lawyers does it take to…….  Anyway, after I became a published author and I answered that question with, “I’m a writer,” at least half the people I met (or more) said to me, “I’ve always thought I had a book in me,” or “I’ve always wanted to be a writer.”

A few years ago, I made a new friend who told me she wanted to be a writer but after trying it, she got discouraged with the rejection.  I asked, “How many rejections did you get?”

She said, “One.”

I just stared at her.

She said, “I don’t take criticism well.”

No kidding.

So this woman wanted to be a writer, but she spent her days surfing the internet and reading books.  She actually had some talent (I read some of her stuff), but she never did anything with it.

When she asked me for advice, I said, “Write.”  If you want to be a writer, you have to WRITE, a lot.

Hardly a day goes by that I don’t write.

I know I’ve wandered off course, here, but I do have a point.

I have tried HARD to achieve the success and financial freedom I want.  I have made goal lists, created vision boards and binders, written letters to God, angels, and the universe.  I have visualized and affirmed.  I have read literally hundreds of books on how to have a great life.  I have WORKED to get what I want.

And here I am with dwindling funds, not nearly the success I’ve desired, and I’m finally realizing that the secret to getting what you want may not just be visualizing it then going for it.  The secret might be just as easy as what Abraham-Hicks says it is:  feel good.

A couple days ago, the Abraham-Hicks quote was:

“There isn’t anything that I cannot be or do or have, and I have a huge Nonphysical staff that’s ready to assist me, and I’m ready.”

I’m beginning to think that I’ve been underutilizing my “huge Nonphysical staff.”  While I’ve been slogging along with my nose to the grindstone and my eye on the ball (and as my stepfather says, “How is anyone supposed to get anything done in that position?”), my Nonphysical staff has been playing volleyball on the beach and drinking fruity cocktails with little umbrellas in them.  I’ve been trying to do all this stuff myself.  How dumb is that?  It’s like the CEO of Boeing trying to build the airplanes while the engineers and machinists build mobiles out of rivets.

As I’m going after freelancing jobs, I’m getting this sense that I’m doing it again—putting in the hard work.

Abraham says that it doesn’t matter what you’re doing—you have to “get easy” about it.

So as I find myself starting to obsess over DOING the right things to get the work I want (actually I don’t want the work at all—I have so many other things I’d rather be doing; I want the MONEY), I am catching myself and wondering, what if it’s easier than we think? What if this whole nose to the grindstone, pull yourself up by the bootstraps (I don’t even HAVE bootstraps … or a grindstone for that matter), “no pain, no gain” crap that our parents, teachers, and the media has brainwashed into believing is just plain wrong?

What if it really is easy?

What if being easy, feeling good, is all it takes to have what you want?

The other day, a good friend of mine said to me, “Well, you know you can’t just sit around feeling good about something and expect it to come to you.  You have to DO something after you feel good.  That’s what The Secret said.”

I said, “Mm hm.”

But I don’t KNOW this.  In fact, I’m starting to think the whole DOING is highly overrated.

Of course, I don’t feel totally confident about this, which is why I’m doing the freelance job search.  But I AM doing it with a different attitude.  I’m still telling it like it isn’t.  In my mind, I’m a lottery winner, a very happy, free lottery winner with all the time I need.  I’m looking for things that are FUN to do.

This morning, after I slept in until nine (heavenly), I got up and walked in the forest for an hour and a half (more heavenly).  I watched Ducky play with her friend, Dixie (if you don’t smile when you see happy dogs playing, you might want to turn yourself into NASA and get tested for alien infestation).  Tim and I made whole wheat pancakes for breakfast (which we ate about noon).  Then our friend, Lyn, called and asked, “Can Ducky come out to play?”  We met her and her dog, Jake (Ducky’s best friend), at the park and watched them play for a half hour.

Now Ducky is snoozing on her bed in front of the fire.  Tim and I are playing Scrabble.  Outside, the day is peaceful and crisp.  I’m totally and completely relaxed because I’m a lottery winner (in my virtual reality).

This is the experiment, and I am ready to prove my hypothesis:  feeling good (the human equivalent to tail wags) is the secret to getting what you want.

I have sent my Nonphysical staff out to bring me the physical money that matches my lottery winner state of mind.  And if it’s going to take a little time to get that, they can bring me a freelance job to keep Ducky in dog treats until the REAL winnings come in.

I am the happy executive of my life … ready to move onto EASY street.

Getting UNreal

I’m done messing around.  I’ve been flipping from feeling good to feeling lousy like a ping-pong ball batted back and forth by a manic player on PCP.

ENOUGH!

I made a decision today, one I’m going to STICK with!

I am going to feel good!  And I’m going to feel good no matter what it takes!  If it takes brownies, so be it.  Pizza?  So be it.  Foot rubs (with my husband’s cooperation, J)?  So be it.  Whatever it takes.

I’m going to feel good while I’m doing things I’d prefer not to be doing.  I’m going to find a good attitude about doing those things.

And it starts today.

Excuse me for crowing a little here, but I’m VERY proud of myself.  For over a week, I’ve been agonizing over going after freelancing work.  I’ve tried to look over the material required to take a test for one of the sites, and every time I did, I wanted to take a nap.

Today, I took the test and got 100%.  I also took 5 other skills tests and scored well.  I created a freelancing profile, a page of testimonials, and filled in my work history and educational information.

I haven’t started bidding on jobs yet, but I’m going to as soon as I get a few more samples of my work in my portfolio.

And here’s the fun part—I didn’t mind doing this work today.

This morning, on our walk, Tim and I talked about how to approach the next few weeks.  I suggested that we talk to each other as if we’ve already won the lottery.  We’ve been way too “real” about our lives, focusing too much on what is instead of what we want.  It’s time to get unreal.  We are lottery winners, excited about what’s coming because we’ve won.

So how do we go after freelance jobs and feel like lottery winners?

Tim’s doing it by turning his work into a game.

I’m doing it by turning my work into a challenge, a way to grow as a person.

Even as a lottery winner, I want to continue to grow and learn; so that feels good.

And look at the law of attraction in action on this.  Right after I found relief and felt SO MUCH BETTER, Tim went to the bank and came back and announced that our accounts are in better shape than we thought.  Instead of being down to two months of funds, we have three.  Still not ideal, mind you, but three months is WAY better than two.  A lot can happen in three months.  I can still get a book contract in that amount of time.  And in the meantime, I can start earning money as a freelancer.

Abraham says you can feel the relief when you turn toward your nonphysical self, turning downstream, entering the Vortex of the universal energy source, when you get ALIGNED!  And I can feel it.  It’s a surge of energy.  A lightening of being.  It feels great.

So here I am being unreal.  I’m a lottery winner.  All is well.  And just for jollies, I’m seeing what the freelancing world is like.  It feels so good.  Which is the name of the game.

Will feeling good bring me the financial freedom I want?

I can’t wait to find out.

Turning My Boat

A couple weeks ago, I had this idea to look for freelance writing and editing work online.  I did a preliminary search of the opportunities in this area and found a couple sites that looked worth signing up for.  I decided to get my Puppies Interrupted proposal done before I went further.

So yesterday, Tim and I had an incredible day celebrating the 9^th anniversary of the day he arrived in my town and moved in with me.  I had no trouble feeling good all day—it was a pure feel-great day!

I got up this morning feeling energized and upbeat.  Ducky and I had a great walk by the bay (more on that in a second).  I came home and went to work signing up for the sites.

I’ve been signing up for sites and looking for jobs for three hours now, and I don’t feel good at all.

I’m trying to find a way to feel good about this, but at the moment, having an oh-boy-I’m-a-published-author-who-has-worked-her-tail-off-to-create-financial-and-creative-success-and-now-I-have-to-scrounge-for-a-job-woo-hoo feeling is basically beyond me.

Today’s Abraham quote included this:

“We would never move forward in the face of negative emotion.”

I have a container-ship-load of negative emotion right now.  Moving forward with my job search, therefore, is counterproductive.

I started this freelance search with enthusiasm for the idea of bringing in some regular income working at home doing what I love to do and am good at (i.e., writing).  But the more I’ve searched, the worse I’ve felt.  Most of the work I’ve found isn’t work I feel excited about.  The process of applying for it is lengthy and time-consuming.

I want to write my own books.

I want to sell the ones I’ve written.

I want to be free to choose my projects.

Wah, wah, wah.

NI, NI, NI.

I feel discouraged, frustrated, angry, and sad.  Yuck

I feel ashamed and embarrassed that after all I’ve accomplished in my field, I’m going after work I don’t even want just to survive financially.

I KNOW there’s a better way to look at this.

Abraham has this upstream/downstream analogy about life:  when you let go of the oars and flow downstream (i.e. feel good, thereby aligning with your inner self), you easily float to all you desire; when you row hard upstream (work, struggle and feel bad in the process), you’re moving away from what you desire.

My boat is definitely headed upstream right now.

So, because the negative emotion isn’t helping me with the process of applying for these jobs, and because the negative emotion DEFINITELY goes against the spirit of my feel-good experiment, I stopped what I was doing so I could write this post.

I stopped to think about something that feels good.

Enter my tried and true heroine of all-that-feels-good:  Ducky.

This morning, the wind was blowing about 20 m.p.h. on the beach.  It was cold and foggy, and the tide was coming in.  Ducky had a blast chasing sandpipers, seagulls, and crows.  She also went after whatever was blowing across the sand.

Today’s offerings included bits of seaweed, pieces of crab shell, and chunks of Styrofoam (from floats).  All were equally fascinating to Miss Ducky.

Watching her chase that stuff is a riot.  She races after it and pounces on it.  Most of the time, the wind whisks away her prize before she can claim it.  She sees it continuing on its mad journey down the beach and she races after it again.  Run.  Pounce.  Wag tail.  Run.  Pounce.  Wag tail.  From time to time, she captures what she wants.  She usually eats it (no matter what it is), then wags her tail and starts the process again.

Ducky is my feel-good guru.  Not only does she make me smile, she shows me the process of going after what I want.

Following Ducky’s method is a good idea:  You go after it (align with it), feeling good along the way.  If it gets away, you go after it some more, still feeling good.  When you get it, you feel good.  When you’re trying to get it, you feel good.  It’s all about feeling good.

Ducky isn’t as interested in the capture as she is the chase.

That’s the secret of feeling good.  If we can feel good along the way to what we want, more of what we want will come.

I know this.  So feeling bad about these jobs isn’t an option.

I have to see it as a game or a challenge or not do it at all.

What I really want (the lottery, the book sales, the freedom to do what I want) is coming—BUT it will only come if I line up with it.  Feeling lousy while applying for writing jobs is not helping me.

So I choose to feel better.  And I do.

Thanks, Ducky.  You did it again.

Asking For Help From The Universal Manager

So I have this blog here.  I started writing it as a way to keep me on track when I embarked on my grand feel good experiment.  I was going to journal my way through it anyway, so why not do it online?

Of course, as soon as I started the blog, I began to wish I had actual readers for my blog.  Bless a new friend, a wonderful, upbeat woman who is a client of mine (I do writing coaching part time).  She started reading the blog regularly and even takes the time to comment.   And until today, I’d neglected to comment on her blog, mea culpa.  She takes great photos of New York.    

So I started getting the itch to go looking for readers of the blog.  Uh oh.  This feels like internet marketing or book promotion.  Been there, done that.

Abraham offers a bunch of what they call “processes” to help you find alignment with your nonphysical self (and thereby bring to you the experiences and things and feelings you want).  One of the processes is called the placemat process.  In this process, you make two columns on a piece of paper.  On the left hand side, write down all the things you’re absolutely going to do today.  On the right side, write down the things you’d like to have the universe take care of for you.  The idea of this process is to get you to remember all the help that the law of attraction has to offer.  By focusing only on the things you KNOW you can get done, you stay out of overwhelm and other bad feelings (which indicate a lack of alignment with your nonphysical self).

So as of now, promoting this blog goes on the right side of my lists.  If it’s meant to be that people find this blog, they’ll find it.  Actively trying to drive traffic to a site does NOT make me feel good.  I’ll comment on other blogs when I feel like it; I’m not going to turn into a blog whore, using comments to solicit traffic from another site.

Maybe the few people who read the blog will tell friends about it, who will tell friends, who will tell friends … if it’s meant to be.  Isn’t that how the common cold starts?  🙂  It sure seems to get around okay.